Film Review: Audience's destination is likely an exit at 'Transporter 3'
According to the files of The Commercial Appeal, I reviewed "The Transporter" when it was released in 2002. I gave the movie two stars.
I had to check the files because my recollections are fuzzy, at best. I can conjure images of a fight with an ax, but to pull anything else about the movie out of my memory bank, I'd probably have to undergo hypnosis.
Please wait while the video player loads. If you do not see it in a few seconds, please download the latest version of Adobe Flash Player, or enable JavaScript for your browser to view the video player.
"Transporter" Frank (Jason Stratham) carries his latest "package" -- a beautiful woman (Shu Qi) with some deadly secrets.
Rated PG-13 for sequences of intense action and violence, some sexual content and drug material
Length: 100 minutes
Released: November 26, 2008 NationwideScore: 1.0
Cast: Jason Statham, Francois Berléand, Natalya Rudakova, Robert Knepper, Jeroen Krabbe
Director: Olivier MegatonProducer: Luc Besson, Steve Chasman
Writer: Luc Besson, Robert Mark Kamen
Genre: Action/Adventure
Distributor: Lionsgate Films
More Beifuss on Movies 
Share and Enjoy 
I didn't review "Transporter 2" in 2005, but I did see it at some point, probably on DVD. I know I saw it because I do remember -- vividly, this time -- a scene in which the so-called "transporter," super-driver Frank Martin (dour but talented British action star Jason Statham), learns that a ticking time bomb is strapped to the undercarriage of his car.
Frank doesn't have time to stop driving and remove the bomb, so he uses some conveniently angled construction-site debris as a makeshift ramp, rockets the car into the air, spins it on its axis as if it were a fighter plane, snags the bomb on the hook of a handy crane in midroll, and lands safely as the crane blows up behind him. To read more about this stunt, go to the "Transporter 2" message board at InternetMovie DataBase.com, and click on the link, "Dumbest scene in movie history."
Whoever created that topic may want to alter the superlative in its title after he -- do we really need to write "or she" in a discussion of a "Transporter" film? -- sees the third Frank Martin adventure, "Transporter 3," which opens Wednesday.
In the new film, Frank uses a bicycle to outrace a stolen car, successfully drives off a bridge onto the top of a speeding train, and floats his sunken auto from the bottom of a lake by using the air inside the car's tires to inflate a pair of garment bags. Even a usually easy-to-please sneak preview audience reacted to these violations of physics and common sense with glum silence rather than the hoots and hollers that typically signify approval of the hairbreadth escapes and unlikely feats in James Bond and Indiana Jones films.
Or maybe the moviegoers were too preoccupied to respond to the derring-do because, like me, they were trying to puzzle out why in the world Iggy and the Stooges' recording of "I Wanna Be Your Dog" had been chosen to accompany the bicycle chase.
The plot of "Transporter 3" has something to do with a sexy, redheaded Ukrainian kidnap victim named Valentina (newcomer Natalya Rudakova), who stares out at Frank from the pale gray eyes in her freckle-spattered face and says, in broken English: "I want to feel sex one more time before I die."
The redhead is the daughter of a crusading politician (Jeroen Krabbé), who tells the press: "I have trees to save and industrialists to disappoint."
Why do the bad guys need Frank to transport the kidnap victim across Europe in the first place? Why didn't they just hold on to her until the minister did their evil bidding? The action of the film seems to have absolutely no motivation.
Co-written by "Transporter" series creator and producer Luc Besson, "Transporter 3" was directed by a "former graffiti artist" who calls himself Olivier Megaton because he was born on the anniversary of the bombing of Hiroshima. Charming.
In any case, from the evidence here, Megaton should return to spray-painting walls: His use of tired ADD editing ruins the fight scenes (choreographed by martial arts master Corey Yuen).
-- John Beifuss: 529-2394
Comments » 0
Be the first to post a comment!
Share your thoughts
Comments are the sole responsibility of the person posting them. You agree not to post comments that are off topic, defamatory, obscene, abusive, threatening or an invasion of privacy. Violators may be banned. Click here for our full user agreement.