(Music lineup below)

My hands are shaking like I'm a man in rehab. So don't mind the typos.

This always happens after my annual visit to the Mid-South Fair.

One year, it was a cow-milking contest that brought on the tremors. Nothing rattles a city boy's nerves like squeezing the teats of an anxious Holstein.

Then there was the time a friend's kid froze in terror at the top of a funhouse, and I was sent in to extricate him. Nations have been brought down with greater ease.

This article is being written on a Wednesday afternoon, and I have just inhaled what seems like several pounds of sugar in the name of blue-ribbon culinary science. My eyelids are peeled back for good. I feel a massive sugar crash coming on.

Let these parting words be a fond farewell to the Mid-South Fair in Memphis. A goodbye forever, mixed with tears that now are the consistency of syrup.

Through Sept. 28, you will wander the Mid-South Fairgrounds and enjoy the experience with your family for the last time. Since 1856, the event has been a fixture off Parkway and Central -- so long that it has its own

permanent buildings, offices and expo halls. Next year, the show moves to Tunica. The city of Memphis has redevelopment plans for the fairgrounds.

Though it'll still be the Mid-South Fair, it won't be the same.

This week, when you're through testing the rides, eating deep-fried Oreos, and paying a strange man to guess your weight, you will eventually find respite in the air-conditioned crafts pavilion.

Maybe you'll take greater stock in the fair's real raison d'etre, that is, the traditional reason that most fairs came into existence.

Ribbons.

Long before the invention of the Tilt-A-Whirl, state fairs were the place to judge and be judged. Livestock judging was typically the pastime of the menfolk, while the ladies would enter their prestigious pies, jams and quilts.

Today, there are hundreds and hundreds of categories for competitors. The winner of this year's blue ribbon quilt made it, literally, out of blue ribbons that she'd previously won.

"Is there prize money that comes with a blue ribbon?" I asked Cindy Metcalf, the fair's new creative arts director.

"Seven fifty," she chirped.

I nearly fell over. "SEVEN FIFTY?!"

"That's seven dollars and fifty cents."

At least one thing hasn't changed since 1856.

Most of the judging is done before the fair starts, which is one reason there probably aren't even more entrants.

"Every year people walk through here and say 'I could do that!'" Metcalf said. "And really, there is something for anyone. The man who fixes my roof entered a quilt."

Metcalf did make one welcome change this year for several food categories that will be judged this Saturday, Sunday and Tuesday. Walk-up entries are now being accepted if there is room in the competition.

Do you or your child have a secret family recipe that requires SPAM? On Saturday, the young'n can win up to $60, and on Tuesday, adults can win up to $150. (The contests that are sponsored by name-brand foods have bigger purses.) There are contests for King Arthur Flour, Eagle Brand Sweetened Condensed Milk, and C&H Sugar, among others.

Whoa. The very word "sugar" just engaged my brain's pre-Ritalin warp drive.

See, this year I accepted an invitation to be a food judge. I thought I'd be assigned to artisanal breads, but arrived late and ended up at the candy table.

Along with Wayne Anderson, a banker, and Jason G. Jones, a 4-H agent, I spent an hour sampling confections. They occupied two and a half tables: chocolate fudge (10 entries), peanut butter fudge (6), divinities (3), peanut brittle (3), pralines (8), molded candies (2), mints (2), and assorted candies (5) comprising chocolate-covered cherries, chocolate-covered pretzels, toffee crunch.

Bless you, Wayne, for your ability to broker a speedy consensus. My method of sampling, resampling and then going back for reassurance only works at wine tastings.

Not, as I discovered, with 39 hunks of the sweetest homemade candy I've ever gobbled.

Someday, after the sugar runs its course through my bloodstream, I plan to steady my hands for a more dignified farewell salute to the Mid-South Fair.

-- Christopher Blank: 529-2305

TICKET INFO

General admission for age 7 and over: $5; admission for 6 and under is free. Parking is $7.

For VIP tickets to music shows, click here.

Wristbands for rides are $25. Wristband schedule is 1:30-10 p.m. today; Noon to 10 p.m. Monday; 1: 1:30-10 p.m. Tuesday; 1:30-10 p.m. Wednesday; 1:30-10 p.m. Thursday; Noon to 10 p.m. Sept. 28.

Midway hours for non-wristband days are 11 a.m.-10 p.m. Saturday; noon to 10 p.m. Sunday; 1:30-10 p.m. Sept. 26; 11 a.m.-10 p.m. Sept. 27.