Film Review: Puzzling Sandra Bullock vehicle a clueless waste

Character proves unsympathetic bore in a comic manhunt

It's bad enough that the usually enjoyable Sandra Bullock has found a way to star in not one but two flat romantic comedies this summer, between "The Proposal" in June and now "All About Steve." But what's truly baffling -- disheartening, really -- is the fact that this latest one was written by a woman.

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Thomas Haden Church (left), Sandra Bullock and Bradley Cooper are wasted in the numbing "All About Steve."

Thomas Haden Church (left), Sandra Bullock and Bradley Cooper are wasted in the numbing "All About Steve."

All About Steve

Rated PG-13 for sexual content including innuendos

Length: 99 minutes

Released: September 4, 2009 Nationwide

Score: 0.5

Cast: Sandra Bullock, Thomas Haden Church, Bradley Cooper, Ken Jeong, DJ Qualls

Director: Phil Traill
Producer: Sandra Bullock
Writer: Kim Barker
Genre: Comedy
Distributor: 20th Century Fox

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Kim Barker came up with the script in which Bullock's character, a crossword puzzle writer named Mary Horowitz, is singularly annoying from the first moment we meet her. It's almost misogynistic, the lack of humanity Barker's script gives this woman.

Mary is a goofy, clingy, hyperactive chatterbox who bores people everywhere she goes with her arcane bits of trivia and long-winded anecdotes. She lives at home with her parents (Beth Grant and Howard Hesseman, who don't get much to do) and needs to be fixed up on a blind date to have even a remote chance at intimate contact with a man. The film affords her no sympathy for any of these traits.

When Mary finally meets handsome cable-news cameraman Steve (Bradley Cooper, all blue eyes and blinding teeth), she immediately throws herself at him. Then she misinterprets a comment he makes in the frenzy of scurrying away from her as an invitation to join him on the road covering breaking news, and ends up stalking him across the country. During her travels, she befriends another woman who isn't drawn with a whole lot of grace: a full-figured, big-haired simpleton who doesn't understand Mary's many big words but does carry delicious snacks as she hangs out wherever the TV cameras happen to be.

There is nothing about Mary that's even vaguely appealing, but the feature debut from director Phil Traill makes it obvious we're meant to find her endearing. This much is clear from the way he focuses on Mary's signature clothing item -- a pair of shiny, knee-high red boots -- early and often, a lazy shorthand to indicate this person is supposed to be quirky but lovable.

Each time Mary finds Steve, she jumps up and down like a little girl, then runs toward him and pummels him with affection. It's actually pretty frightening behavior. Steve, meanwhile, is an enigma, good-looking but bland. Ostensibly, that's the point -- that he's more of a figment of Mary's idealism than anything else -- but that doesn't make him a terribly compelling character, and it doesn't make effective use of Cooper's charisma.

Thomas Haden Church provides a couple of laughs as Steve's self-serious reporter -- his absurdly melodramatic live shots are pretty funny -- but his character is also cruel to Mary by stringing her along and inviting her to join them at each new destination. (The ubiquitous Ken Jeong plays the crew's exasperated field producer.) Meanwhile, Kerri Kenney-Silver, Luenell from "Borat" and Charlyne Yi go to waste in throwaway supporting roles.

Then, just when it seems "All About Steve" couldn't grow any more insufferable, it turns strangely sentimental, which allows Mary to make profound observations about life in the form of forced crossword-puzzle metaphors. Too bad the movie itself doesn't have a clue.

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